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Cory Angen
Hellraisers
After finishing all of the major slasher franchises, it's time to move onto another iconic horror character in Pinhead and his Cenobite friends of the Hellraiser series. I knew absolutely nothing about these going in other than the middle ones are pretty bad, so this should be an interestint experience for all of us. Enjoy!
Rankings*
*as of October 2024

Hellraiser

It's like the first Friday the 13th with some Nightmare on Elm Street mixed in set in an 80s porno. There are parts that look cool, but there's a lot that doesn't really make much sense and I'm not huge on body horror, so this didn't do much for me.

Notes:
  • I don’t understand the layout of this house at all.
  • At different times it’s got Freddy Kruger vibes, Mrs Voorhees vibes and 80s porno vibes. All in one convenient package! 
  • You’d think she’d come up with an easier method of killing these dudes than just a hammer after the first go-around, but I guess not.
  • Why does he look like his brother at the end and not a weird mix of all the dudes he sucked dry or just himself?
  • For how iconic of a character that Pinhead is, I’m disappointed in the amount of screen time he has throughout this first installment.


    • Rating: 2.5/5

    Ranking: 2/11

    Hellbound: Hellraiser II

    I would say this is an improvement over the first one. It's still got the goopy body horror and overall horniness at its core, but seems more focused on the lore of the Cenobite world, which I found to be pretty interesting.

    Notes:
  • It being a direct sequel actually kind of surprised me. I didn't think we'd have much for recurring characters in this franchise.
  • I feel like there are a lot of lines of dialogue here that are trying to be really profound, but just don’t quite hit the mark.
  • I like when the Doc who brought back Julia wrapped her skinless body up in gauze and made her look like Darkman.
  • Doc finally met his end, but it was via Julia’s new Sex God, so still not the best outcome. But then it backfires on her when he becomes a Cenobite himself.
  • This one really does have Nightmare on Elm Street Dream World vibes with how the world changes when the Cenobites are around. 


    • Rating: 3/5

    Ranking: 1/11

    Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth

    It's definitely a little more campy and Pinhead is his most Krueger-esque so far. While it does seem to have lost the plot of the original a bit and is far less horny than the first two, I don't think it took the series too far off the rails just yet. The Motorhead track during the credits is obviously a highlight.  

    Notes:
  • The weird pillar from the end of Hellbound has evolved into an art piece that has been purchased by some 90s greaser. There are some creative jumps to get the story going here.
  • The DJ in the club gets killed with his own CDs and then later comes back as a Cenobite to kill other people with more CDs. If that's not the most 90s horror kill, I don't know what is.
  • A whole new cast of Cenobite underlings for Pinhead in this one. None of them look as cool as the Chatterer from the first one, but that CD throwing one is pretty dope.
  • Pinhead actually gets called Pinhead and then we see him out in nature in broad daylight and both feel very odd in the nature of what's going on.
  • There's an interesting, seemingly prophetic scene to close it out that I'm sure will have no bearing on the future installments whatsoever. Because why would it?


    • Rating: 2.5/5

    Ranking: 3/11

    Hellraiser: Bloodline

    Pinhead in Space (also 1990s New York and a little in 1700s France)! It's not a totally awful movie for 1996, but it doesn't really feel like a Hellraiser movie. That said, Pinhead has some great lines and we get a young Adam Scott playing the least convincing Frenchman you'll ever see. It's bad, but it's kind of fun.

    Notes:
  • I thought the puzzle box was a super ancient thing, but I guess it's just from 1700s France.
  • I love seeing actor's early roles in horror movies. Was not expecting Adam Scott.
  • The end scene from Hell on Earth actually plays a role in this one. Never thought they'd actually follow up with that.
  • The hooks and chains are clearly his gimmick, but it's getting a little old at this point. Kills were fairly boring when they did actually happen.
  • Only two new Cenobites in this one and really only one interesting one made out of two twins fused together at the head. The Cenobite dog was the most interesting one.
  • Unlike my comments about appreciating the loose continuity from the last entry, I would hope and expect the rest of the installments take very little from this one.


    • Rating: 2/5

    Ranking: 7/11

    Hellraiser: Inferno

    Hellraiser: Inferno: I'm only halfway through the series, but this has to be the weakest entry. It's less Hellraiser movie & more noir detective. It features one of the least likable main characters of all time and only about 5 total minutes of Pinhead screen time.

    Notes:
  • Well at least I was right to suspect there would be no connection to the last one. They clearly took things in another direction, it just also wasn't very good.
  • Main character is a knockoff Tim Robbins and is playing the least likable protagonist I think I've ever seen in a movie.
  • Supporting role for the second Raiden/Dexter Morgan's dad is by far the most interesting bit.
  • At one point there are two cowboys who beat up our main character with martial arts. Because absolutely nothing should make sense in this movie.
  • Was not expecting time loops to come into play. I feel like that's when it really lost me.
  • The ending is kind of interesting, but overall just not what I (nor anyone else) really wants from a Hellraiser sequel. Even if it's a direct-to-video fifth installment.


    • Rating: 1.5/5

    Ranking: 8/11

    Hellraiser: Hellseeker

    A sloppy whodunit of sorts with some Cenobites sprinkled in at the end. It's actually more similar to the previous entry than I was expecting and not wholly terrible, but doesn't feel quite like what the originals were going for. I'd say it's still one of the better outings of the latter sequels so far.  

    Notes:
  • Kirsty from the first two is back and dies immediately only to return at the end in an interesting twist that still came too late in the story that was only 89 minutes.
  • Not as overtly horny to start, but the horniness is definitely back in this installment more than the last couple for sure.
  • Disregard my earlier statements regarding the hooks and chains. Was happy to see them play a bigger role in this one.
  • Most of the Cenobites look like at least versions of some of the classics. With Kirsty back, it truly felt like a family reunion of sorts.
  • Felt more like a shitty Crow sequel from the late 90s than a Hellraiser movie from 2002.


    • Rating: 2/5

    Ranking: 5/11

    Hellraiser: Deader

    I feel like this one is an allegory for the series so far. Interesting premise to start with, but once you're halfway through, it's lost a lot of its intrigue. This one features the least amount of Cenobite shenanigans and the plot is a jumbled mess. Overall, pretty disappointing as both a Hellraiser entry and as horror movie in general.  

    Notes:
  • Deader is definitely the dumbest title in the series. And it sounds even dumber when pluralized by the cult that are calling themselves The Deaders.
  • What A Nightmare on Elm Street is to boiler rooms, this franchise is to repetitive hallways.
  • Another installment where we're following someone who we find out has already died and some of the things we've seen were essentially a dream sequence. Not a fan.
  • At least when Pinhead and friends showed up in previous entries, they got right to their Cenobiting ways. They're barely featured again but this time they don't really even do anything.
  • That has to be one of, if not the actual worst entry. It definitely is so far. If I could write a This is Spinal Tap-esque review it would simply be: Hellraiser: Dumber. 


    • Rating: 1/5

    Ranking: 11/11

    Hellraiser: Hellworld

    As an early 2000s slasher, this is completely fine (despite an underwhelming ending). As the eighth entry in the Hellraiser franchise, it's awful. The story is at least somewhat coherent, but it's connections to Pinhead the Cenobites is incredibly weak and their usage is some of the worst so far.  

    Notes:
  • This time we get an early role from a young Henry Cavill, which is fun.
  • Every franchise needs a meta entry and having a video game based on Hellraiser as a core plot device is a great early 2000s way of doing that.
  • There have been fairly happy endings throughout the series, but that one was way too happy.
  • It's like a Saw movie with a little bit of Halloween: Resurrection and Stay Alive sprinkled on top, which is a winning combination for me.
  • Brick Nokia cell phones are featured quite heavily on screen and in the plot. It's amazing how much technology dates things like this.
  • The soundtrack might be considered 'butt rock' to some, but it sounds a lot like what I was listening to back in 04-05, so I don't have much issue with it.
  • Our final girl hitting the main non-Pinhead baddy with a roundhouse kick during the final standoff was a truly laughable moment. I gave up on liking it as a Hellraiser early on, but I think that was the moment I gave up on it completely.


    • Rating: 2/5

    Ranking: 6/11

    Hellraiser: Revelations

    The story is so similar to the original that it almost feels like a reboot of sorts and since it's the first one without Doug Bradley as Pinhead, I guess it kind of is. The acting is bad and the makeup isn't great either, but at least it actually felt like a Hellraiser movie.  

    Notes:
  • The new actor isn't great and neither is the makeup.
  • Not one notable actor in the cast and the acting is very bad all around. 
  • None of the characters are very likable at all, so it's hard to really feel all that bad when everything is said and done.
  • Not a ton of Cenobite action until the very end, but we get a solid look at a few new takes on some that feel pretty familiar.
  • First of the last handful that actually felt like it was written to be a Hellraiser movie from the start. Crazy how little the last few had in common.
  • Definitely left a bit of a cliffhanger ending that I'm almost certain will not be followed up on in the next and last of the sequels. But I've been wrong about that kind of thing before in this series, so I guess we'll have to wait and see.


    • Rating: 1/5

    Ranking: 9/11

    Hellraiser: Judgment

    Hellraiser: Judgment: Another Se7en rip-off disguised as a Hellraiser sequel. Higher production value and another new Pinhead actor are welcomed changes from the last entry. Everything else is just a boring/predictable detective movie and an even worse Hellraiser.  

    Notes:
  • Some more classic Cenobites are featured but don't do much while a new cast of henchmen do most of Pinhead's dirty work throughout this one.
  • Not nearly as horny as previous installments and while there is some classic hooks & chains body horror stuff towards the end, it's still pretty gross in other ways.
  • Straight up screen recording of a computer's desktop is always how you know you've entered some high-budget filmmaking.
  • A mosty anticlimactic ending with what appears to be breadcrumbs for a sequel that thankfully never came. 
  • While Revelations was a bad movie all around, the story was at least a Hellraiser one. This entry tried some new and albeit interesting things, but the 10th installment may not be the best choice to start adding more (unnecessary) layers to the lore.


    • Rating: 1/5

    Ranking: 10/11

    Hellraiser

    We've finally come to the end. It definitely tries new things, but I think they work a lot better than the ones they tried in Judgment. It's less focused on horniness, but some form of desire still being at the core makes for an interesting take on the lore.  

    Notes:
  • Despite a very early sex scene, this may be one of the last horny entries in the series.
  • Pinhead played by a trans woman and a little more gender neutral is a cool new take.
  • A lot of the "protagonists" in this series are pretty shitty people and Riley certainly falls into that same category.
  • Matt with no skin on his back telling Riley "Bring me back" is hands down the funniest line in the movie, whether it was intended to be funny or not.
  • Giving the other configurations meaning makes calling the puzzle box The Lament Configuration seem a lot less ridiculous.
  • I enjoy that one of the versions of hell you recieve for solving the box is just living with the guilt of putting people through all of that for nothing.


    • Rating: 3/5

    Ranking: 4/11

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